In Part 2 of this marriage series, Imam Shpendim from New Jersey tackles the darker side of what happens when people pursue relationships outside of marriage. From depression and disease to broken families and shattered self-worth, the consequences of the “test drive” lifestyle are devastating, and Islam’s guidance on marriage offers the antidote.
The Side Effects of Promiscuity
When relationships are built on manipulation rather than commitment, the damage extends far beyond a simple breakup. Verbal abuse, mental destruction, and the systematic erosion of self-esteem become common patterns. Women in particular suffer from epidemic rates of depression tied to relationships that were never established for the right purpose. The social ills plaguing modern society, including single parenthood, fatherless children, and cycles of poverty, are the direct fruits of abandoning the institution of marriage.
“People don’t go to the barn to find a meal, nor to find a partner. If you’re hungry, you go to the right place. Because we’re conscious of what we eat, we should be even more conscious about who we share our lives with.”
The Real Cost of the “Free” Lifestyle
- AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases carry life-altering or fatal consequences
- Illegitimate children grow up without fathers, raised under the stress of single mothers struggling to survive
- The nightclub and party scene offers only cheap thrills that leave lasting emotional scars
- Many Muslims are also falling into this trap by following their desires instead of the guidance of their Creator
What Islam Teaches About Choosing a Spouse
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) simplified the criteria for selecting a marriage partner: look for someone with strong faith and good character. This does not mean ignoring practical considerations like maturity, responsibility, and financial stability, but it places righteous belief and genuine good manners at the top. A person’s deen (faith) must be reflected in how they actually treat people, not just in how they appear outwardly.
“The Prophet didn’t say look for the doctor, the engineer, or the businessman with the most money. He said if someone comes to you with good religion and character, then marry them.”
Marriage the Islamic Way
- Marriage in Islam is an act of worship that can earn you reward even for intimate relations with your spouse
- Both partners commit before Allah to take care of each other, adding a sacred dimension no civil contract can match
- Islam’s boundaries between men and women exist to protect hearts, families, and communities from the destruction that results from unchecked desires
- Get out of the nightclubs, do it the right way, and build a family that pleases the Creator of the heavens and the earth
