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30 Reasons to Avoid Being Angry and Argumentative

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30 Reasons to Avoid Being Angry and Argumentative

How difficult is it to practice patience when being provoked? At the same time, how many times have we responded much too sensitively, although we were not the clear target of anyone’s malice?

How many hearts have been lost in an effort to win arguments? And yet, as human beings it is natural and even our right to disagree, and to think critically. One of the most difficult challenges of character for Muslims of every background is being able to practice hilm (forbearance) during times of anger and disagreement that is to be able to disagree with a dignified and generous spirit, and to think critically without being argumentative, stubborn, and condescending. It is because we as a community fall into this so much, and on so many levels, that I found this issue to be a relevant reminder to myself and others.

The activist argues about strategy, the student argues about fiqh and other branches of knowledge, the community leader argues in the board room, and the Imam with those who disagree with his style or approach. Whether it be with our family, friends, community members or the Islamophobe—we often find ourselves in situations where anger and argumentation can creep in, sour the mood, and sully the spirit. Below is a collection of Quranic verses, Prophetic narrations, and sayings of righteous people mostly taken from Sa’eed Hawwa’s work “Selected Writings on Purifying the Soul.” These statements remind us to prevent anger and argumentation from getting the better of us.

May Allah help us to remember that when we deal with people, our transactions are actually with Him and not His creation. As such, may awareness of His presence (ihsan) bring goodness from our speech and characters during times of difficulty as well as ease. Ameen.

1. “And when the foolish address them (with bad words) they reply back with ‘Salamaa’ (peaceful words of gentleness).” (Qur’an, 25:63)

2. “If they pass by some vain speech or play, they pass by it with dignity.” (Qur’an, 25:72)

3. “And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys… But of the people is he who disputes about Allah without knowledge or guidance or an enlightening Book.” (Qur’an, 31:19-20)

4. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace be upon him) said: “He who gave up disputing while he is right, a palace of high rank in Paradise will be built for him. He who gave up disputing while he is a fabricator, a palace in the center of Paradise will be built for him.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it as hasan)

5. “There are no people who went astray after having been guided except for indulging in disputation.” (al-Tirmidhi)

6. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ repeated three times, “Those who search deeply for confusing questions have perished.” (Muslim)

7. “Do not dispute with your brother, ridicule him, nor promise him and then break your promise.” (al-Tirmidhi)

8. Bilal ibn Sa’d radiAllahu `anhu (ra) said, “If you see a disputing, arrogant, and bigoted person, bear in mind that they are utterly lost.”

9. Luqman `alayhi assalam (as) said to his son, “O son! Do not dispute with the knowledgeable lest they detest you.”

10. `Umar (ra) said, “Do not learn knowledge for three things and do not leave it for three things. Do not learn it to dispute over it, to show off with it, or to boast about it. Do not leave seeking it out of shyness, dislike for it, or contending with ignorance in its stead.”

11. It was narrated that Abu Hanifa said to Dawud al-Taa’i, “Why do you prefer seclusion?” Dawud replied, “To struggle against myself to leave disputing.” Abu Hanifah said, “Attend meetings, listen to what is said, and remain silent.” Dawud said, “I have done so, but I have found nothing heavier than this.”

12. `A’ishah (ra) narrated that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “The most hated person with Allah is the most quarrelsome person.” (al-Bukhari)

13. Ibn Qutaybah said that his disputant said to him, “What is the matter with you?” He replied to him, “I will not dispute with you.” The disputant then said, “Thus you have come to know that I am right.” Ibn Qutaybah responded, “No, but I respect myself more than that.” At this the disputant retracted and said, “And I will not claim a thing that is not my right.”

14. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: “The one initiating abuse incurs the sin of abusing as long as the other did not return it.” (Muslim)

15. “The believer does not curse.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan)

16. “The believer does not defame, abuse, disparage, nor vilify.” (al-Tirmidhi, sahih)

17. “Do not invoke Allah’s curse, His anger, or Hellfire.” (al-Tirmidhi who declared it hasan sahih)

18. “Men accustomed to cursing will not be intercessors or witnesses on the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim)

19. Abdullah ibn ‘Amr (ra) narrated, “I asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ about what saves me from Allah’s wrath, and he said, “Do not become angry.” (al-Tabarani and Ibn Abdul Barr) Ibn `Umar, Ibn Mas’ud, and Abu Darda’ (ra) relate similar conversations on their own behalf.

20. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “He who is victorious over his passion at the time of anger is the strongest among you. He who forgives having the power to release (his anger and take revenge) is the most patient among you.” (a-Baihaqi in Shu’ab al-Imaan)

21. Abu Hurairah (ra) narrated, “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, ‘The strong person is not he who has physical strength but the person is strong if he can control his anger.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

22. `Umar ibn Abdul Aziz wrote to one of his governors and said, “Do not punish at the time of anger. If you are angry with any man, keep him in detention. When your anger is appeased punish him in proportion to his crime.”

23. ‘Ali ibn Zaid mentioned, “A man of the Quraysh spoke harshly to the Caliph `Umar Ibn ‘Abdul ‘Aziz who remained silent for a long time and then said, “You wish that the devil rouses in me the pride of the Caliphate and I treat you so rudely that you can take revenge tomorrow (in the Afterlife) on me.”

24. Ibn ‘Abbas (ra) narrated, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “And when you get angry, keep silent.” (Ahmad, Ibn Abi Dunya, al-Tabarani, and al-Bayhaqi)

25. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Anger is a burning coal. It burns in the heart.” (al-Tirmidhi and al-Bayhaqi)

26. “When anyone of you gets angry, let him perform ablution because anger arises from fire.” (Abu Dawud)

27. “Nobody swallows a more bitter pill than that of anger—seeking the satisfaction of Allah.” (Ibn Majah)

28. `Umar (ra) said, “He who fears Allah cannot give an outlet to his anger (by sinning). He who fears Allah cannot do what he likes.”

29. A nomad said to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ “Advise me.” And he ﷺ said, “If a man defamed you with what he knows about you, do not defame him with what you know about him. For the sin is against him.” The nomad said, “I never abused any person after that.”

30. Al-Hasan (ra) said, “He that did not safeguard his tongue did not understand his religion.”

You thought it was over didn’t you? Here is a little something extra to encourage us not only to avoid such negative traits, but to also proactively seek positive ones in their place.

10 Reasons to Strive for Generosity of Spirit and Kindness in Speech

1. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Kind speech and feeding (the hungry) guarantee you Paradise.” (al-Tabarani)

2. “And speak nicely to people.” (Qur’an, 2:83)

3. “When you are greeted with a greeting, greet in return with what is better than it, or (at least) return it equally.” (Qur’an,4:86) Ibn Abbas commented on this and said, “He who greets you return his greeting in better words even if he were a Magian.1 He also said, “If Pharoah were to speak nicely to me, I would do so to him.”

4. Anas (ra) narrated that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, “Verily there are chambers in Paradise; their insides and outsides can be seen – for him who spoke kindly and fed (the hungry).” (al-Tirmidhi)

5. He ﷺ also said, “A good word is also a charitable deed.” (Muslim)

6. “Ward off the Fire even if by giving half a date in charity. If you could not afford that then utter a kind word.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

7. `Umar (ra) said, “Generosity is an easy thing. It is a smiling face and kind words.”

8. Some wise men said, “Do not be stingy with a word that does not arouse your Lord’s wrath yet it pleases your brother. It may happen that Allah gives you the reward of those who do good works.”

9. “And let not those among you who are blessed with graces and wealth swear not to give to their kinsmen, the poor, and those who left their homes for Allah’s cause. Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you?” (Qur’an, 24:22). Abu Bakr (ra) had cut off his financial support of his relative Mustah because Mustah had participated in the slander against his daughter `A’ishah (ra). After this verse was revealed, he resumed and even increased the amount he gave Mustah in financial support.

10. “Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish.” (Qur’an, 7:199)

LEAVE A Comment

20 Responses to “30 Reasons to Avoid Being Angry and Argumentative”

  1. Muslim says:

    MasaAllah, excellent reminder to always keeping humble and not letting shaytaan get the better of us.

  2. maahee says:

    assalam
    very good information.i like to see and i want to understand the same insha allah try to impliment also

  3. oldvet says:

    i was raised in Christianity,..but surely it never taught common sense such as this…….very interesting…….i shall read more..

  4. niroza says:

    mashallah,a very good advice 4 all.

  5. saba tayyab says:

    Subhan ALLAh and JAzak ALLAH for sharing and acquainting.

  6. Tamam says:

    Alhamdulillah, Allah helps implement these actions in our daily struggles.

  7. kendrick daniel says:

    hello and what’s up ,i still study the greta religon of islam ,i’m still ,comtompalting ,wheither to be a muslim ,i consider my self to be an open minded human being and i strong positive black man ,and a good person ,now the real reason i having coverted since the past 9 years ,i want o find out more about it so ,i can convert and help people ,i believe or acknolwedge that their is one god ,and that all the prophets are equal ,i just want to serve god and help humanity ,thank ya’ll for your understanding and patients ,sincerely kendrick ,big up s with nuff respect

  8. Abdulfattah says:

    i am glad to read this, and i pray ALLAH reward you the writer and those who pave the way, i am a muslim that need admonition, please preach to me the more about laziness

  9. Kalifala waritay says:

    i am a Muslim man but got marry to a Christine woman. what’s my fate need advice…….

  10. Lina S. says:

    Assalamu Alaykum,
    Thank you and Jazak Allahu Khair for this amazing reminder! Indeed, it is a struggle we humans go through everyday, especially when you are wronged or are spoken harshly to.
    Do you mind if the Muslim Youth Club in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia pass this out as fliers to remind our brothers and sisters in Islam and to gain reward from Allah (SWT)? I will make sure we cite this with your logo so they can refer back to this website and let them know we disclaim it.
    May Allah accept our deeds and reward us with Jannah. Ameen.

  11. Lina S. says:

    Assalamu Alaykum,
    Thank you and Jazak Allahu Khair for this amazing reminder! Indeed, it is a struggle we humans go through everyday, especially when you are wronged or are spoken harshly to.
    Do you mind if the Muslim Youth Club in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia pass this out as fliers to remind our brothers and sisters in Islam and to gain reward from Allah (SWT)? We cite this with your logo InshaAllah so they can refer back to this website.
    May Allah accept our deeds and reward us with Jannah. Ameen.

  12. ajarat azeez says:

    salam alaiqum,
    now i av more proof to show to mt xtian friends that islam is truly a religion of peace and love.jazakallau kairan.

  13. HANIF HASAN says:

    suban allah thank allah that you made me muslim and given brith in mohammad umat

  14. Bobee says:

    Is it possible Brother have more interveiw in more Islam aspects with Imam Mustafo Zayed. Thanks may Alloh reward you best life….
    I wrote you from remote Tajikistan.

  15. Amira Mohamed says:

    Subhanallah reminders:) jazakallah and I liked it so much had to share most of it on my Facebook:) may Allah make it on the scale of your good deeds, Ameen

  16. Servant of Allah says:

    Brother. Kendrick as salam u alekium, you say that you have been searching for the last 9 years? Mashallah:) It just shows if u ask me, that ur soul is wanting the right guidance and the right path too walk upon.

    I am born a Muslim, but never did i practise Islam the way it is should be.

    Now i do try harder, now i feel more happy, i have peace inside me that i never could find before. This state of mine is all i ever could ask for. This is life, have tried alot in the past that i regret now but was never happy then at all compared too now Brother.

    And there is a reason Islam is the most growing religion, or should i say it is a whole life system, that if u ask me is the path too sucsses.

    This site has greatly helped me strenghten my Islamic belif, i am a different person now, may i say that myself.

    Have u read the Holy Quran in English? Have u watched most of the videos on this site? This is a great site too get information from:)

    Sorry but English is not my first language and im not a scholar, and its 6am here right now:) but i felt like helping hopefully a comming muslim Brother out:) atleast share som words.

    May Allah inshallah guide you and make the journey, too the thruth short because you are not promised tommorow.

    And btw, search on youtube for videos regarding Islam and science or the quran and science. Embrology in Islam.
    Brother after i watched this videos i was stunned at how accurate and that they could know this over 1300 years ago?

    I was convinced that this book is from Allah.

    Best regards a servant of Allah

  17. zenabu says:

    I thank Allah (SWA) for creating me a human and making me a muslim. I want to know the tips for drawing close to Allah

  18. HAFSA BINISH RAHMAT says:

    ASSLAMOALIKUM,
    After having zina , if a person is guilty and want to marry then what kind of a person should she / he marry.
    Is is that a zani should marry a zani or if one is guilty? and dont want to reveal about his/her sin then how she/ he come to know that what kind of a person should one marry.

  19. Michael says:

    As-salaamu-Alaykum ,May Allah(swt) continue to bless you to bring good relavant Dawah to yourreaders Muslims and non-MUSLIMS what a great service to mankind if people only knew Al-hamdu-lah Jazak-Allahu-Khair WALI-10-31-13

  20. Busari Abbas Olalekan says:

    What a nice thoughtful message. Barakalahu fiy.