welcome to study session inshallah I
will be covering chapter 4 in the study
session the Sheikh mentions in chapter 4
rulings related to social interaction
the shik mentions when it comes to
socializing there are some etiquette
that Muslim women should follow some
important qualities that Muslim women
should have are one we should make sure
that we are among the truth ones we
should make sure that our Iman our tawa
our Islam are all truthful the shik
mentions that truthfulness is the best
quality that we can ever have we should
live with it and we should die while
having it Allah subhana will put the
right after the prophets and The
Messengers he mentions this Ayah to
prove his
point he advises us not to be a fake
person we shouldn't be a fake woman we
shouldn't just be beautiful from the
outside and empty from the inside we
shouldn't be a person who is like a
hypocrite from the outside people think
that they are something but from the
inside they are completely empty and
even filled with the
opposite we shouldn't be like that we
shouldn't be fake we should be truthful
our Iman is from Deep conviction our
modesty and our ha our adab our
knowledge our participation our
contribution is all should all come from
the fact that we believe in it that we
believe in that point because it's
coming from the heart it's based on
knowledge and we are convinced with it
the second point the second quality that
the Sheik mentions to the sisters is to
have patience he said that a lot of
sisters lose control over their patience
quickly so that some sisters get angry
quickly that they don't have that much
patience Allah subhah
says be patient when someone does you
wrong we shouldn't have frustration with
them we should
have he says don't get frustrated don't
get frustrated sometimes a woman gets
frustrated maybe because nobody came to
propose to her yet and she's attaining
old age or maybe because their husbands
are not treating them in the best way we
should be patient Sometimes women get
frustrated when their paycheck hasn't
come in yet but that shouldn't be the
case of our frustration we should have
patience the P things that things will
come our way according to the timeline
that Allah has set for us according to
Allah's timeline not according to our
timeline because what Allah chooses for
us is always better than what we choose
chose for
ourselves seek help in and seek help in
and Salah seek help in patience and
Salah the prophet told one of the
companions that he has two of the best
qualities any human ever have and one of
them one of the qualities were patience
one of the meaning of patience is not to
wait one of the meaning of patience is
our ability to to adjust to the new
situations sub does not mean to wait it
doesn't mean just to wait it is to
adjust oneself to the situation maybe
Allah subhana tala put you in this
situation for his reasons we should try
to adjust ourselves to it accept it we
we need to be content with it we need to
accept it the third thing that the
Sheikh mentions is a Muslim woman should
have respect respect he says so many
times sisters complain that their
sisters didn't respect them or their
sisters don't respect them what sisters
need to respect one another respect
another sister's privacy we should
respect another sister another sister's
personal um personal business it's not
respectful when one sister asks another
sister why she is not pregnant it is not
it shouldn't be any of our business why
this sister isn't pregnant or asking how
much your husband makes things like this
is not respectful it's not it's not any
of our business we shouldn't have to to
ask these things these things is things
like this is not respect we have to
respect other people's privacy also
respect the sisters who are less covered
than you are or just because you are
more educated you don't have the right
to disrespect someone that is less
educated than you are or a sister that
is older might disrespect the sister
that's younger that is not right in
Islam that's not part of being a Muslim
a
m it's not part of IM it's not part of
being a mmin we should respect the
opinion of other sisters we should
respect the opinion we should
expect um accept their
advice and we should respect their their
feelings another quality of a m that
theik mentions should
be which means chassity and modesty it
means our tongue should be pure our
false our false language we shouldn't
use it our we shouldn't use indecent
words a means to protect our tongue our
tongue is pure it means our eyes are
pure we protect our tongue our body from
adultery from Zena from anything imp
proper like that because this is part of
being a m this is part of having Iman a
m is also a generous woman a m is also a
generous woman she should be generous
generosity starts with a with the spirit
we should be generous with our money we
should be generous with our nice words
and our Smiles just little things can
make a big difference and make a person
be wonderful make a person be very
wonderful another thing is humility
a m should never be arrogant a m is a
way is always humble and treat people
with humility they treat people with
generosity they they treat people with
with
kindness we should that we should smile
to others we should be cheerful there
was a a statistic that was asked to new
Muslim converts and this statistic would
um they all had the number one complaint
PL when they entered the Masjid or when
they entered a new event they were
stared at there was no humility there
was no cheerfulness no smiling the
sisters weren't welcoming to them this
was their number one complaint he said
if we just add a little bit to our smile
we have normal Smiles everyone has their
normal smile but if you add a little bit
to your smile like add the eye muscles
to your smile this will make a big
difference to the person smiling at this
might even make their day he quotes to
the people who lost their smiles that
you didn't lose it it's right under your
nose so try and use it we need to
Smiling is sod we we we we have to use
it to each other to show each other that
the kindness that Muslims are
kind and and
welcoming a Muslim should be welcoming
Allah subhana T says a person that will
never touch Hellfire is an easygoing
person a person who is easy to get
things from a person who is easy to deal
with a person who's easy to talk with is
an easygoing person this person will
never touch
Hellfire he goes on and talks about a
woman who deals with non-relative males
nonaham the first thing that a lot of
people skip or the first thing that we
should think of is
what still defines us is we are all
brothers and and sisters in Islam and we
we look at each other we should look at
each other we should care about each
other we should care about one another
to call them your brother or your sister
even if she is not my sister from
lineage or from the same family or from
the same lineage she is still your
sister in Islam he is my older brother
Allah also said that we are a meaning we
love each other for the sake of Allah we
support each
other look after one another we have to
keep that in mind she can be the best
person in the world she could be so
friendly she could be very
very she could be very nice but when it
comes to dealing with a brother she
could be very rude we should care and
respect one another one of the
most
important rules that the s. wasam said
is no man will or should be with a woman
alone in in any case and any man who is
with a woman alone Shan will be the
third one which is
called being alone the the
called um the said that two men with one
woman that's okay that's not Haram but
two and two women with one man that's
also okay it's not Haram but what is
Haram is for one two individuals one
being a man and one being a woman that
are not related to each other and in the
same place with seclusion meaning no one
can see them no access to it no they are
in a room together like a hotel or
office this is even in the Masid Hass
albas said do not be with a woman alone
even if it is to teach her Quran because
it can lead to Haram things later
on the shik said it is not Haram to look
at men unless it is with desire then it
would be then it will be forbidden then
it will be Haram Allah ordered women to
lower their gaze because they are not
supposed to look at men with desire but
looking at them to interact with each
other that is permissible he said that
um he said also vice versa for men they
are allowed to look at women but they're
more stricted than than women because
men are visually stimulated the she says
the voice of a woman is not a but he is
but she is not allowed to speak in a
seductive way there is no proof that
states a woman's voice is a he said
theik said there's no proof how can it
be proof how can there proof when Allah
subhana tala says if you ask them then
um if you ask them something ask them
behind a curtain that means there's no
communication there is communication
going on there that there there's
there's proof going
against um a woman's voice
being Allah subhana tala forbids us to
speak in a seductive way we shouldn't
have evil talk between us there
shouldn't be any bad talk between us if
a man were to ask a woman for her hand
their speech should still be with good
their speech should still be like
commonly good and known as good in
society so culture also decides what is
good or what is not a woman is not
allowed to touch male this is extremely
forbidden with a man this is extremely
forbidden with a man who is not related
to her or to you and you're doing it
with lust liking like liking like
hugging or kissing he said ex this is
extremely forbidding especially if it
has sexual mean meaning behind it the
prophet did not Shake women's hands
because he said that the hand can commit
Zena if it is done with lust and he said
that a woman can interact with a man if
there is no if there can interact with a
man if there is Need for ITA went to
visit B because he was sick so many
evidence es show that there was
interaction between men and women during
the prophet's days as long as it as long
as it is culturally accepted this
doesn't mean I can go visit a sister for
the sake of Allah no that's not
culturally accepted in this Society the
concept of dealing in general you you
are allowed to deal with each other even
advising one another a woman came to the
prophet and grabbed his thow and pulled
the prophet away from the man and he
would and he
would stay with her as long as she want
as long as she wanted to a woman came to
the prophet and said I want to talk to
you he told her choose any place in
Medina and I will meet you there in the
place that you
wish and in in this was narrated in sah
Muslim interacting and communicating
with males that is not Rel that is not
relative it is allowed as long as it is
needed mixing with women will be
forbidden if any of the following exist
first when a woman or a man are in
seclusion this is not allowed this is
like this is like I mentioned before the
second thing when a man and a woman are
wearing hijab when a man and a woman are
together and the woman is not wearing
hijab and they are sitting next to each
other mixing that it's not allowed
that's
Haram the third thing is when a woman
when a woman and a man are so close to
each other that they're touching each
other for example he gave the example
that if one of a man the way we were
sitting in in if there was one man one
woman one man one woman and we were all
mixed together then that would be Haram
because we're touching each other and
that would be very big
fitna this type of mixing is not not
allowed but if men and women are
separated and there is space between
them that type of mixing is not Haram
another thing is when mixing is for a
short period of time and cannot be
avoided and or there is a great fitna to
be unlikely it is per it is permissible
so if there's not a lot of FNA if there
won't be that much FNA it is permissible
to have a mixed gathering for example in
ta mixing men and women is a short
period of time so it is permissible even
in MSA meetings we might have to sit
very close to each other because we
don't have a big room we couldn't find
any other room than we have even work
might have mixing our meetings meetings
or conferences but it is permissible as
long as it a short period of time in a
short period of time as long as there is
it's going to end very slowly of in in a
short period of time cases like this
there are Exceptions there are a lot of
proof to these
situations that that he gave for examp
that he gave for us for example when a
woman is holding the when the woman was
holding the prophet's th that's a short
period of time or when Abu Bakr and Omar
went to
visit that's also a very short period of
time and
when was also sick they went to visit
her to make sure that she was okay
another thing is mixing today is very
common and cannot be avoided in in our
society it's impossible it's impossible
to go to a restaurant or that is one
only men or only women it's impossible
to have an Islamic school that is only
men or only women or it's impossible not
to mix Islamic schools or it's
impossible to to not have mixing in our
society but we have to try and we have
to deal with it the best that we can
under the Islamic guidelines to minimize
the evil that can happen with mixing and
to maximize the benefit that happens by
most Gatherings partitions these
partitions were for the mother of the
Believers even the mother of the
Believers sometimes the sahaba dealt
with the woman um without partitions
they dealt and U they dealt they bought
and from bought from women in the market
they they sold um the issue of
partitions if women want their privacy
or something in
similar the question one can I have a
male friend in school in this part we
watched a video of a a few college kids
and they were all asked can you have a
male/female
friend as you can recall all the women
said yes but all the men said no then
when the woman were asked do you think
that anyone of your friends like you and
they said yes they do think so they said
yes that means they knew that their
friends like them so they were asked
again can men and women really be
friends without the feelings going on
and so all the women gave in and in the
end of the story they said they all said
no the way men function is different
than women in Islam
in Islam we should use brother or sister
we shouldn't use friend the word friend
is very tricky we don't know uh where it
can lead to so we close the door before
it leads to something a lot of a lot of
times it leads to something that is not
proper as Brotherhood or Sisterhood
thing yes it is permissible in school
like even a coworker or classmate I may
know him he knows
me there is respectful relationship ship
going on there um that there should be
that extra relationship there should
there shouldn't be the extra
relationship we should we shouldn't
lower our guards we should be
safe it's a short period of time and
it's for work purpose you do it you
leave um even for a professor a
professor might want to talk to you and
if you feel like they are getting a
little personal then you should leave
maybe you want to go talk to the alone
you should have someone there like your
mom or friend someone that you trust but
you cannot you cannot be secluded or
make sure the door is not closed if you
want to speak with a
sheh number
three can I have mail friends via social
media he said in this part be careful
because LOL something like lol can go to
xox can I use can I use an informal way
of writing to a group of people
including males use smiley faces lol's
Etc he said avoid it if you can he said
it is culturally accepted but if it's
going to get out of hand try to avoid it
number five can I tell a man I love you
for the sake of Allah he said no a man
can tell a woman in general number six
can I ride alone with a male Taxi Driver
what about elevators
he said that yes you can it is not
because
because it is not it's it's a short
period of time and it can open in any
time the elevators talking about the
elevators it can open in any time it's a
short period of time um uh for taxi ride
for taxi ride um you should you you are
allowed to get into the taxi with a male
but don't go four places because this
can lead to this can lead to you too
being alone in the middle of nowhere
like don't go to Iowa in a taxi cab or
don't go to Florida in a taxi cab this
can lead to Haram this can lead for it
to be in a position where it is Haram
don't go long distance it is not
seclusion though you are allowed to
enter a taxi driver number seven can I
give Salam to males or reply to their
salams we are allowed to we are allowed
to give salams and we are allowed to
reply to salams but if you think that
you are too shy you can just um you can
say the salams to yourself number eight
my voice is naturally soft and
attractive should I avoid talking to
talking to males at
all no but try to avoid over
conversating with them number nine can
we can woman can a woman advise a male
who is not related to her yes we are
allowed to advise men and they all
advised men and there were some were
even
teachers do we have to have partitions
in MSA meetings are there any conditions
for a sitting for there's no no sitting
too close to each other try to be a
little separate try to have the men in
the front the women in back you there it
there is no um just try to be separate
can I sit with my husband while he is
spending time with his friends in this
part the shik said it's a once in a
while thing it's an occasion thing maybe
the women are going to sit together when
the Gathering happens between him and
his friends and maybe the men are going
to sit together um he said inshallah
it's fine just don't make it a habit can
a woman look at a man such as a teacher
or lecture for a long time yes like in
the lecture we were sitting there
looking at him the entire time he said
it's fine just as long as it's free From
Desire then it will become Haram number
13 the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam told his wives when Abdullah
entered to sit behind a partition and
when they replied is it he blind he said
are you too blind how do we reconcile
with this Hadith when he gavea
permission to see the epican dancing the
shikh really didn't get into it as much
but he said that we are allowed to look
at we can watch soccer games we can
watch basketball games but the only
Haram thing is to what look at
someone's that is very Haram we are not
allowed to look at someone's so we
shouldn't watch the men swimming or
something like that ruling regard
regarding the dealing of a woman with
her family parents have a great right
over us we should respect them we should
obey
themal made the parents right come right
after his right Allah said worship me
and obey your parents don't associate
anyone with me but do not mistreat your
parents a lot of sisters forget that a
lot of sisters neglect their parents
when they become older or when they have
acquired a spouse the Sheik says don't
forget about them because there there
might be a maybe because there might be
a miscommunication with them do not
forget them because you got married do
not forget them they still have a great
right over you
also the husband has a great right on
you Allah subhana tala said among his
signs is that he created a spouse among
ourselves he said created a woman from
Adam's Rib not from his feet so he can
be stepped so we can be stepped on or
from his head so we can be on top of him
but we are created from him from his rib
so we can be the closest thing to his
heart to be side by side we are the
close we should be close to our husbands
and he is a part of us it's two bodies
put together but it looks like one Soul
mixed together and half went to the
woman and half went to the
man that's the nature of the love that's
the nature of of a marriage another
thing is that the husband and what the
husband has a right on you to be
respected to be honored the prophet
sallallahu alaihi wasallam said if I
would to ask someone to prostrate to
another then I would ask a wife to
prostrate to her husband he said a great
he has a great right on you how you
treat your husband will determine how
high you will go to paradise and how low
you will go to the Hellfire if you
mistreat your husband a lot of women
lose their respect for and Leadership
for their husbands and the role in their
H in the house any woman who prays all
her prayers and obeys her her husband
and protects her herself from Zena she
will be called on the day of judgment
and she will be allowed to enter from
Jenna from any gate that she chooses or
wishes to enter from Allah subhana tala
said Allah gave men husband a bigger
responsibility when it comes to the
house one is to take care of the
household and Allah created men
different from women they the only time
a husband should lose respect from his
wife the only time he should lose
respect from you is if he becomes cold
or mean if he has been treating you in a
bad way if he is has no adab manners or
he abuses you in this case he has to
lose respect from you he cannot ask for
his respect because he does not Des
deserve it at that time but he doesn't
deserve it but other than that that's an
honor that Allah subhana T gives him
many hadiths are shown that to that
proves to us that women should treat
their husband well and vice versa other
hadiths show that men also should treat
their house their wives well the Sheik
said one one complain that common that's
common with their brothers is there is
no more love or desire between the
relationship especially from couples who
have been married for a long time that's
when the relationship becomes cold we
should look for someone that we cannot
live without the prophet has 60 it was
60 years old and the love between him
and his wife was there there was so much
love so much romance so much excitement
between them the woman that will inherit
Jenna is a woman that when she speaks
she pleases her husband when she looks
when he looks at her he she will please
him she should she should take good care
of herself her appearance she should
take good care of her body she should
watch her tongue only speak sweet words
and nice words shows respect shows Love
Don't Be do do not be mean to the
husband because this could cause
problems in the
marriage children also have rights over
you your children you will be
responsible for them in the day of
judgment and Allah will ask you about
this about this responsibility we have
to be nice and merciful to our children
we shouldn't have them grow up in fear
we shouldn't have them grow up in filled
with fear and abuse we should have them
be in a home with mercy and love we
should love our children we should be
well to them we should be they should be
well educated we they should be
well-mannered
another thing that the shik mentions
that that have right over us is extended
family extended
family is very
important many sisters don't know their
aunts or their cousins they don't know
their extended family members we should
keep our relationship with our relatives
that is very important that is very
important because they they still have
the rights over us as
Muslims another set of questions that
the Sheik went through is do I need to
take permission from my father or
husband every time I leave the house
cultural exceptions it's C sometimes you
don't have to like to do everyday
activity for example going to the store
going getting your groceries going to
school going to college going to work
stuff like this you do not need to take
permission from them because it's normal
activities they should know that you're
going to school they should know that
you're you're doing you're doing your
daily activities so you don't need to
ask them every time but if it's out of
the norm if it's out of the normal like
they don't you're not doing it every day
yes you need to ask them for permission
you shouldn't leave a sticky note saying
that you're going somewhere far you
should let them know in advance that you
are going somewhere number two does my
husband have right to prevent me from
visiting my family or prevent them from
visiting the home no he does not have
the right to prevent you from visiting
the family he can't there should be
respect between um your marriage
marriage is love and respect he should
respect your family and you should
respect his the shik said though he can
have the um the the power to prevent
your family from coming but it is he
shouldn't like it's like he said love
and respect but he um but try to work
things out with him number three what
are the rights of my in-laws upon
me the one of the rights is to respect
them and to be hospitable like to be
nice to treat them in a good way number
four if I am not in the mood for
intimacy and my husband wants me to be
intimate is it sinful to refuse the
Sheik said no you can refuse he said
sometimes you're not in a good mood
sometimes you're feeling depressed so no
means no sometimes but sometimes
intimacy can make things better you can
say no but don't make it a habit don't
don't always make it don't always keep
saying no number five who has more right
over me my parents or my
husband husband of course because you're
living with your husband this is a
household issue you're living with him
maybe the shik said in certain
situations the the father or the the
parents have control over the situation
the parents have more right over you but
that's in their household that's if
something happens in their household
that deals with you but in your
household the the Sheik said depending
on the situation your husband always has
right over you he said that if your
husband wants to take you on a trip and
your father refuses your husband has
more right than your father
do my parents have the right to invade
my privacy my his the shik's answer was
yes islamically he has the right to
invade your privacy but you need to have
respect the shik said there's a
difference
between um having your privacy but we
you cannot lie to us or having your
privacy but there's no secrecy you can
have your privacy but you have to tell
me what you're up to or the parents need
to keep an eye on their children
regardless what the situation is they
have to keep their eye on the children
they can't just trust a a person
blindly number seven should I do what
should I do if I'm in invited to a
family celebration that contains
impermissible practices he said depends
on the practices and the family close
close members you um he said depending
on the practice like if there's drinking
or if there's dancing he said you don't
have to go if it's not close family he
said you don't need to attend the the
wedding or whatever celebration that's
being celebrated you don't have to go
but if it's someone that's going to get
hurt by you not going for example your
brother and he has music and he has
dancing and he has alcohol or whatever
the case might be you can go you can
stay just you don't have to participate
in the Haram practices it's not up to
you it's not it's up to you actually for
to to stay away from the Haram number
eight a woman who has been married
several times passes the way which
husband will she be with in Jenna there
are a few opinions on this answer one
opinion that the came to was the last
one the last person that she married
will she will be with in Jenna the
second one is the best mannered one the
one who has the best manners but that
one is a weak that is one is a weak
narration
the third choice is the per the the
third
um the third opinion that the scholars
came to is it's it is by choice you are
allowed to choose who you want to end up
with in
Jenna another set of questions that
theik went through is can I have
non-muslim friends the shik says in
general yes you're allowed to have
non-muslim friends you can talk to to
them you can chitchat with them but
don't take them to the heart don't make
them be close don't do not have them as
your close companion where secrets are
revealed and they know a lot about you
don't that's not a good idea because
they might not be that trustworthy
number two my friend is not religious
would it be okay to continue my
friendship with her the Sheik said it is
not a problem for you to continue the
problem comes
when to the Badness the the
non-religious of her starts to influence
you starts to affect you like if she
drinks or if she um if she starts to
influence you in a bad way then you have
to let this person go it is Haram for
you to be with her number three are
stereotypical jokes considered Halal he
said if anyone that hears the joke and
can get hurt by it the person the person
gets hurt the the person feelings get
hurt then it will be Haram but it is not
it's not Haram to say stereotypical
jokes the thing is that the shik said
the problem the problem is not saying
the joke the problem is is is it lying
is it considered lying stereo
stereotypical scenarios he said are
usually true so there's no problem with
it number four what is the ruling
regarding women's only
practices the parties that con Ain
dances and music he said he doesn't
believe in music so he doesn't think
it's it's permissible but uh he said if
you were would to have parties AIDS
weddings and great victories he said
great victories such as um winning an
Islamic Victory not a victory like an a
soccer Victory or something like that he
said an Islamic Victory is it's okay to
have like a celebration for it sometimes
times when I sit with my friends they
backbite what should I do in such case
what should I do if I backbite someone
he said you should stop it do not
support them support the person that in
is being spoken about in their absence
he said if you support them behind their
backs and they are being back bited
Allah will support you in your time of
need but if you do not support them
Allah will go against you in your time
of need will will leave you the most in
your time of need should I wear hijab in
front of a female or male homosexual yes
you have to you have to wear hijab in
front of male or female
homosexual what do I do if I feel like
another female is looking at me in an
unusual
way he said cover yourself in unusual
away that's the only answer that he gave
if I am sleeping over my friend's house
can can I sleep in the same bed yes you
can but sleep with Pajamas it it takes
rule even if you're sleeping with a
brother or sister cover yourself he said
that the problem was women back in the
day or still now they sleep with their
underwear they sleep with their pajamas
so he said try to cover yourself try not
to um if you will sleep next to each
other try to try to wear something or
use separate bed covers because uh if
it's possible
number nine sometimes girls use improper
words when referring to each other such
as lover or bed buddy freaky TIY girl
what is the ruling regarding that every
time you say everything you say and
every time you say something it will be
written down it will our words will
impact will impact us on the day of
judgment and even it will impact the way
we feel or think so be careful what we
say even if it's not meant for
anything this ends session number four
chapter number
four