greetings of Peace welcome to the dean
show maybe you got a chronic back ache
some people have chronic headaches but
the worst is when you got chronic pain
in your chest from The Chronic pain in
the heart and a lot of times parents
they end up just being remiss in their
obligations to empowering their children
as they're growing up and now the
chronic pain sadly starts to kick in and
you see look you know a lot of the youth
now were're creatures of imitation they
start taking One Direction zann Malik as
a role model and then it's s to say you
got a lot of these women these girls are
cutting themselves out of protest maybe
because he left the band or you got
little Chris did you hear about little
Chris just ended up I don't know if he
committed suicide but he's in deep
depression why are these teens not
adults but teens we know teens is an
epidemic from adults committing suicide
but you have so many exactor young lady
pop star music star she just committed
suicide so how can you Empower your
child your teen that now they can be
leaders in the community and they're not
like J Will Smith's son now they're
mixing up the roles and your kids now
wearing a skirt and a dress and you're
like man what's going on and it's crazy
out there they don't have a proper
identity they're not empowered the right
way and now they end up experimenting
with everything and at the end none of
these things bring them peace and
happiness and next thing you know you've
lost your child and now the chronic pain
kicks in in the heart let's try to
prevent that with my next guest Dr
pisher here on the dean show empowering
these young adults so they can be
powerful leaders in the community we'll
be right back this
[Music]
the welcome everybody to the dean show
thank you for tuning in Salam Alum peace
be with
you how are you brother good
alhamdulillah alhamdulillah you heard me
open up the show and we want to
empowerer the youth empower the next
Generations to be good strong leaders in
the community but you see a lot of kids
there experimenting with this and that
and causing their parents because the
parents a lot of times many are to blame
because they become remiss neglectful
and they didn't Empower their children
the right way so now you have are given
examples of young ladies they're cutting
themselves there One Direction star zann
Malik he left the band run direction
then you have other kids who are just
growing up and they're experimenting
with everything selling themselves short
and next thing you know nothing works at
the end depression they become
despondent what can we do now as a
precursor to prevent this from happening
to our children tomorrow yeah I I think
the P thing that we should do is to as
parents is to understand very clearly
that youth are the future of this
community as the future of the society
uh youth will be the leaders of tomorrow
as such we have have to take very good
care of them and if we go to Quran you
find Allah subhana tala give us many
examples of certain youth this this
young age you know like for example when
Prophet ibraim destroyed the uh
statues in in in verse number 60 Allah
says we heard a young man who was
mentioning them that he going to do
these things with him so he was young
person who was able to stand against the
establishment was able to go against
status quo and do the right things and
this what we want from our our teens
Prophet Yousef when he resisted the
temptation of the of the wife of aliz in
verse number 30 in in in in Surah Yu we
we we'll find that Allah telling us
F she is trying to seduce her young
helper which means that he was te he was
a youth yet he was able to resist the
temptation why because he
was brought up in a way that he was
proud of his identity he knows that he
has a goal in
life uh one of the descriptions of the
companion of the cave in in Surah verse
number 13
Allah has
mentioned those are young people
believed in their lord and we increase
them in guidance so you see Quran
emphasizes this for us parents so we we
we make sure that we equip oursel with
the proper tools to help them and
Empower them to have this very strong
identity and proud of their identity I
know that they have a goal in life and
you go after this rather than going
after any of these other things and by
the way why why do have to go far just
just let us look at the S of prophet
Muhammad s Ali
wasallam you will find that aside from
abak the key players in the migration
trip were mainly youth right Asma both
both genders male or female
abdah they are all young youth which
means that the prophet Salli wasallam
made sure that he engaged those youth he
made sure that they are key players and
they are part of every important
decision uh during the Battle of of bad
who killed Abu Jah two young
boys uh when the prophet wasallam passed
away who was the leader of the army was
US 17 years old what does this tell us
tell us that the prophet wasam
really spend time build this strong
emotional bond between himself and his
companions and Empower them engaged them
and made them part of the activity of
the Muslim Community that's why the They
Carried the torch of Islam they were
very proud of their identity but if we
leave them like this it becomes very
difficult and uh the youth are very
important also as one of the
scholars mentioned they have very if
they are not corrupted with the uh out
external environment the polluted
external environment they have very pure
hearts they have very profound feeling
and very strong will to achieve things
so this are three very important
important qualities that they possess
but what happen is
uh the the the environment surrounding
them is polluting these qualities and is
our role as as as parents to try to
polish these kind of qualities and make
sure that they are engaged they are
empowered they are part of the
activities they are part of of the
Islamic institutions we have so in
they'll be able to uh do their job
properly and do not uh go straight one
way or the other as you mentioned in in
your introduction it seems like the
future becomes nebulous it's not certain
it's unclear when you don't have because
all of this that you're you're talking
about it it it seemed like all of them
had a deep profound connection with
their creator exactly and they were
living according to the guidance of
their creator exactly and by the way
this is one or the most important
parenting principles for Muslims is to
link and connect their children
to the Creator and this is given to us
by the prophet right from the day the
child is born what we do we give aan in
his ear so the first word we hear will
be Allah Allah Allah and this is a hint
of from the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam that we Muslims should always
try to link this weak creature to his
creator Allah subhana wa tala the source
of every good thing source of power
wisdom knowled every good thing because
he will need the support of his creator
if your child is doing the right thing
because he is scared from you as soon as
you turn your back he's going to do the
wrong thing but if he's doing the right
thing because he knows that Allah subh
is with him all the time as we're told
in if he is doing that thing because he
knows that Allah is with him supporting
him as well as observing over him he he
will always try to do the right thing no
matter if you are around or not because
that's part of his identity now that he
knows that his creator is with him and
he doesn't want to displease his creator
sh we're going to take a break for
everyone tuning in don't go anywhere
you've heard us mention for our guest
probably tuning in maybe for the first
time you've heard us mention this word
Allah Jesus who we love and rever is one
of the mightiest Messengers sent by God
he called on according to the
Encyclopedia Britannica he spoke Aramaic
and he called on God by the name allaha
so we're talking about the one that
Jesus and all the prophets called people
to worship we're going to be right back
with more here in the dean show you're
learning a lot already a lot more to
learn with us so don't go anywhere we'll
be right back the question is about
whether Muslims are or not good citizens
the Constitution defines what a good
citizen is and the pramer says we the
people of the United States in order to
form a more perfect union establish
justice ensure domestic tranquility too
many Muslim that can say that as a good
Muslim and most Muslims can say that
most Muslims will Embrace that most
Muslims are good
Americans
the back here on the dean show and we're
with Dr Basher so empowering our
children before they end up getting
Maybe um caught up into a lot of the
negative um
environmental cultural things that are
not empowering them they're actually
destroying them exactly uh so tell us uh
now um some of the other practical tips
that you give in some of your workshops
to help the parents to end up making a
change for the positive in the
children's uh I I feel there are U five
important components that parents should
keep keep in mind and try to
acquire uh and if they do this you'll be
able to help their uh teens to be very
strong confident proud of their identity
and the first of them is to have a
vision for uh what we want our teens to
be when they grow older the second of
them is to provide very
healthy uh and postive family atmosphere
the third of them is to uh learn about
uh various parenting skills from Islamic
point of view and the fourth of them is
to uh be willing to change our
ways to uh adopt these principles that
we learn from uh Quran and Sunnah about
parenting and use them with our children
and finally to have little bit of
wisdom so um I'll talk about the vision
in the next segment inshallah
and and the willingness to change but
let me Focus now on providing a positive
and healthy family atmosphere uh and on
on that uh
wisdom Scholars are uh in complete
agreement that family atmosphere is the
most
crucial factor that impact and influence
and affect the personality of our
children what is
this I think it's so because Allah
subhana wa tala created us with our
minds registering picture much much more
than words that's why modeling was the
most important way of parenting modeling
and that's why Allah subhana wa ta'ala
sent us Prophet Muhammad sallallahu
alaihi wasallam as our role model as
we're told
in verse number 21
indeed you have in the example of the
Prophet the best role
model so we have to learn from the model
of the prophet sallam and model for our
children and model for our children uh
now uh if we as parents do not provide
healthy encouraging supporting loving
caring family
atmosphere and all the time we're in
clashes conflicts fighting arguing with
each other what kind of marks is this
going to leave on the personality of the
child the child will feel
insecure within the home environment and
that would make him to look for security
and safety outside and he may get the
wrong advice from one of his peers and
he will do some of these things that you
are talking about M uh also is going to
make him does not love that home
environment which in his mind represents
Islam so uh it is very important that we
provide positive healthy caring family
atmosphere because who do this is going
to leave a positive mark on the child
and he would love what this represents
but to be able to do this we really have
to do the right thing ourselves as we
said modeling and his mind is register
registering how are we treating each
other how are we treating other sibling
and so on and so forth so that's a a
very important component providing
positive and healthy and family
atmosphere now whatever uh principles we
learn we have to apply it with hikma
with
wisdom what's wisdom wisdom as Scholars
Define is is is uh to put the knowledge
you know and apply it in the right way
at to do it at the right
time and Subhan Allah there is a little
bit of
misconception uh when it comes to wisdom
uh then that that's based on on people
just taking one verse from Quran and
forget about other verses uh verse
number 269 inak says
Allah subh grants wisdom to whosoever he
wishes and whoever is granted wisdom
he's granted lots of
goodness yes it is a grant from Allah
subhana wa tala it is a gift from Allah
subhana tala like every other gift but
we can position ourself to receive this
gift it could be learned it could be
acquired because one of the uh of the
Prophet S wasallam as defined by Allah
subhana in Quran verse number 151 inah
Bak verse number 164 inah Al verse
number two
inah that he teaches us the book and the
and the WIS so if if hikma was not to be
acquired or
learned how come that Allah is saying
that the prophet will teach us this and
and another thing is that in Surah Al is
Allah Allah subhana tala starting from
verse number 23 up to verse number 38
give us many orders it starts
with Allah have ordained that we worship
none but him and be good and beautiful
to our parents then give us so many
orders things to do and things to avoid
then in verse number 39 Allah subh
says this is what Allah has revealed to
you from hikma from wisdom which means
that if I apply the orders of Allah I'll
be able to gain hkma I'll be able to
position myself to receive this gift of
Allah T so it is very important that
that parents would have this hikma
because you will need it when they deal
with their uh teens in many many
occasion you will need it to know that
not everything they use the first child
is going to work with the second they
will need it to know how much of their
culture uh practice should be impos in
them and so on and so forth so it is
very important that we have this hikma
in our tool in our in our with us so we
can help our children to avoid all these
negative consequences beautiful advice
we'll be right back with more here on
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tell us I I mentioned some of these
young superstars that the youth they
admire and they look up to and then when
something happens dramatic they can't
cope with like these young girls now
they ended up literally cutting
themselves in protest because he left
the band right so you have other
examples when some of these youths they
keep climbing up to the next level and
they experiment with everything that's
out there and then they get broke
because they realize true happiness is
not up there so uh what what would you
say to somebody one of these young
ladies who's cutting themselves you had
opportunity to speak with them they
don't know much about Islam or let's say
someone like um you know little Chris he
actually uh was a super star who who
they say I don't know if he committed
suicide but he ended up dying was it on
about for because he was on drugs or
whatnot uh how would you connect to one
of these youth like this to to Really
capture their heart yeah uh this brings
us to uh how important for the parents
themselves to have certain
qualities uh so they can help those
young people to grow in a balanced way
rounded way and to uh have a strong
personality and not to be shaken by
incidents like this and and the first of
these qualities is that parents should
have a vision for what they want from
their teens to be when they grow older I
don't mean uh career planning uh but as
far as their character uh their
personality the way they conduct
themselves uh and and when you have a
vision you are going to work toward to
work towards achieving this Vision if
you don't have a vision if you don't
spend enough time with your child uh you
are not going to days will and years
will pass by and and you will grow uh
formed by the environment around them
that's they will do things like this so
the first and most important quality for
parents to have is that they they think
about a vision and this is what we want
from our children and if I can think
about a common vision for all of us
Muslims living here in North America I
think we should aspire to have our teens
like the generation of the companions of
the Prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam
uh why I'm saying this uh I'm saying
this because I think they are exactly in
the same
situation uh they are a minority living
among a big majority that's very proud
with their culture and their identity
and that exactly was the situation of
the but
the they found the prophet sallallahu
alhi wasallam he was mentoring them
coaching them giving them the model uh
so no matter how much pressures were on
them uh the they were able to resist
these pressures and go in the right
direction uh we as parents should learn
from the model of the Prophet sallallah
alaihi wasallam then start modeling for
our uh children uh so this is the first
thing the second thing uh which parents
should try to their best to acquire is
is to learn
about uh parenting principles in Islam
many of of us are still parenting based
on our cultural background uh our
experiences when we're young and that
reminds me for saying of
of who
said raise up your children using
methods May that may be different from
the ones that were used with you because
they are created for different times for
different challenges imagine alali
saying this 14 centuries ago where the
paie of change was very
slow how about our situation now and it
is not only different times also
different environment so we have to take
environment into consideration we have
to learn the the proper parenting skills
from the sources of Quran and Sunnah
from what the prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam taught us so so this will be
Shake all of these that we've given
these examples these extreme examples
that are are really becoming kind of
almost the norm we're we're giving what
you're giving is this this this advice
the prevention exactly before now it
comes to that state where someone is
cutting themselves uh hanging themselves
committing suicide soid avoid all these
things we can avoid all these things
yeah I I can give you a practical
example that happened with one of the uh
parents who attend our workshops our
parenting workshops in our parenting
workshops we don't just talk about uh
principles of
parenting uh and and uh how to learn
them we we also uh go through a self
search
exercise with the audience to try to
find out the sources of negative
parental Behavior they have how can they
get rid of these shortcomings and
replace them with postp parental
behavior and one of the parents
approached uh me during that question
answer session and mention the problem
with one of her children and I told her
okay let's let's go through this self
search process in detail and try to
change these things you have when you
find these shortcomings try to change it
and I give here the detail how to do it
you know a year
later we went to the same city and the
same lady she came and she said thank
you very much it really works I I
changed myself I know uh now what WR
what I was doing wrong with my child now
my relation with my child is much much
better he talks to me he let me know
what's going on in in in his life he is
doing this doing that so the ball is in
our court as parents we really have to
uh to be willing to change to be able to
apply the principles we learn from Quran
and Sunnah many many of the parents the
the the uh so I I I cannot change I I'm
like this you know although the the main
Message of Islam is change for the
better we have to reform
ourself and uh just a piece of good news
for for for all the listeners all the
good qualities you need to be a good
parent to to make sure your child is not
going to reach this kind of stage are
acquir the qualities according to the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam you
need knowledge the prophet
said you can learn you need to be
patient during this process the prophet
told
us if you train yourself to be patient
Allah subhana will help you to be
patient uh you need that good quality of
forbearance again the
you can't train yourself so there is
nothing is impossible I can't change
myself to do the right thing to achieve
the the good results so this is one of
the very important qualities for for
parents to to learn the willingness to
change thems now you go around the world
I mean you go around to different cities
uh different parts of the world and you
do these uh marriage workshop and
parenting workshops uh specifically now
if somebody uh would like to contact you
and we like to have a workshop here if
any of the massaged are in Chicago next
time you come out to Chicago where can
they loc at you contact you so they can
we can put together also we can have you
back on the show but also they can put
together one of these workshops yes they
can uh contact us uh via family.com
family.com yeah send an email then we'll
send you the tentative availability
dates and we'll take it from there
inshah I'm sure at the uh different book
shops these are these are your books
these are all over the uh uh
bookstores and answers to frequently
asked questions on parenting all of
these are your your books in conjunction
with your wife yes yeah and people can
get all these books at Family don.com
family.com they can get it from the
publisher right away mup applications or
from amazon.com and all the reviews are
there in
amazon.com thank you very much
welcome and thank you for tuning in the
dean show one word that really stuck
with me I hope it stuck with you was the
change for the better we want to instead
of regressing we want to progress
forward and that's what this Dean this
way of life from the creator has and is
inspiring us to do that we go ahead and
we not only get empowered by it but then
we empower the people around us through
the daah and who best to empower than
our immediate family as the last the
final messenger sent to mankind had said
look Allah is saying the the Quran save
yourselves and your families from the
Hellfire that is what we want to avoid
and we want to get to Jenna Paradise so
we want to live by the guidance that
sent by the Creator and that's the best
guidance and then you will be empowered
and then you won't be doing some silly
crazy things and getting in all sorts of
trouble and then becoming at the end
despondent falling into Despair and as
you've seen many of those who have just
followed their lust and desires they end
up committing suicide because at the end
there's no there's no fulfillment there
just pain and displeasure so we got some
great advice today tune in every week
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next time peace be with you