um I apologize seems everybody else has
rehearsed for as I came with like sheets
of stuff that I'm going to read
inshallah um so I was born into a Hindu
family where as sister Nala was saying
for the last at least 500 years that my
dad kind of just knows off the top of
his head um my grandfather and his
father and you know every ancestor going
back had been Hindu priests and uh I'd
always considered myself to be a fairly
religious Hindu I was strictly
vegetarian I'd never drank alcohol I
would pray and I'd sit up at you know
till the early hours of the morning with
my mom uh discussing my favorite chapter
of the Gita and you know this is we were
from a I wasn't looking for another
religion at all I mean I thought I was
Hindu and that was that um now for a few
months and by some accounts for uh many
years a story had been developing I can
hear you back so speak up
inshallah uh the story had been
developing in France and uh they banned
the wearing of overt symbols of
religiosity uh in French schools and in
French public buildings with the primary
focus being on the hijab now their
arguments was that um it wasn't really
directed at the hijab rather as any
overt symbols of religiosity including
large cross and so on but it was fair
fairly obvious to anybody where their
focus was um now some students at uh at
this University had that I was attending
had been uh had organized an event
discussing the ramifications of this ban
and I just decided to attend purely out
of interest from the news um as I said I
wasn't looking for another religion the
audience were a mixture of Muslims
non-muslims and some students from
France because it was a London
University so it's fairly diverse and
they were all unified on wanting to
learn more about this political
situation so we all listen to the young
Muslim speaker eloquently describe the
Islamic position and I'd already assumed
that Muslims would want the ban stopped
but I'd never heard anyone describe it
in quite this way uh the sisters in
France were faced with a choice the
almost Unthinkable decision of whether
to leave University to abandon their
education to possibly ruin their lives
all for a piece of cloth and yet somehow
some of those sisters decided to wear
the hijab despite the very likely
consequences uh this sacrifice and this
struggle really struck me uh I wanted to
know what motivated them to do what
seemed
unimaginable to make the active decision
to give up on what the whole of society
was expecting of them to give up on what
seemed like the most practical option
and instead to choose the
hijab uh so after this talk I attend uh
I had attended I arranged to meet one of
the brothers there who was uh at the
same talk and to find out more I just
wanted to understand what was it uh out
of curiosity honestly I was just curious
to find out and uh to try and get some
answers to some of my questions uh I
didn't know it at the time but the
person alhamdulillah the person I was
going to meet would literally change my
life and the way I view everything in it
um so this brother's name is Majid and
he explained the basis of Islam the
proof of Allah's existence and the
message of the Quran and I remember
coming home and telling my mom uh guess
what somebody just proved to me that God
exists and my mom was bear in mind we're
a religious family my mom was shocked
she said proof really
and she was clearly surprised andh Allah
so I mean just think about what this was
we thought we understood I didn't think
I needed proof I thought I'm religious
and I know for sure already whereas the
reality is there is a proof and you can
know it so this brother maid he had
proved to me that the Creator exists the
same way that you know that you exist
and the chairs underneath you exist
definite proof and he went on to prove
that the Quran is the L literal word of
this Creator and it was a proof like
nothing I had ever
experienced U although it was emotive it
wasn't emotional it wasn't based on
Blind Faith it wasn't even because the
Quran contains proven predictions or
amazing details of science it was
definite rational proven fact uh and
what's more alhamdulillah I could prove
it too so I discussed all of this at
home and I and I want you to bear in
mind again that my family was already
considered to be amongst the most
religious with his generations of
priests um and yes it was a complete
surprise to my mom and it was only at
the very end of this conversation where
there was a long pause and I said to her
don't you see what this
means and in disbelief my mom suddenly
kind of St a took a step back and said
wait you're not going to become Muslim
are you and uh I gave the almost
rhetorical response that faced with with
an undeniable proof how could I not
become
Muslim and uh Subhan Allah I
mean it was a difficult time for my
family that I remember it being very
kind of tense and and stressful for them
all it
was it felt like a test Subhan Allah and
this proof this this same proof that's
had motivated me was the reason the
motivation for those sisters with the
hijab in France
this same proof was the thing that gave
them Clarity and
certainty especially when they felt like
they were being
tested uh can I can't I should I
shouldn't I and this proof was the
Tipping was tipping the balance so with
a small gathering of Brothers a couple
of days later uh I said slowly said the
words
and that was followed by a chorus of and
hugs and
handshakes and so now I'd like to
explain despite us all being here for uh
to talk about reversion to Islam that
for me reversion is not a special moment
um it's not a magical decision it's not
like a switch that turns you into
Superman in fact to to be frank I don't
even quite remember the dates that I
took my shahada um so on the face of it
i' stated this shahada but in reality
the shahada was the start of my test and
within the space of a few months I'd
realized that I'd already started
failing those same tests and clinging to
my old habits uh and so since becoming
Muslim I started to believe that the
best time for me to have died uh was was
probably straight after my shahada and I
don't want to give the impression that I
was
suicidal far from it um i' just been
considering that Allah in his infinite
Mercy had cleared my record of all sin
at the time of taking this shahada and
since that time I was of the opinion
that I'd been doing a marvelous job of
wrecking my chances of going to Jenna
and with the limited time that I had
left I wanted to make amends and so
steering clear of this Haram had been a
significant Challenge and indeed I
failed on many occasions
and for this there is little I could do
but make Toba and sincerely attempts to
never repeat those actions many things
had changed but perhaps unsurprisingly
the habits IID spent decades forming
during my jilah had been the source of
most of my tests and at this time I
noticed that I all I almost never felt
anything spiritual during my Salah words
like tranquility and peace and joy were
used by others to describe their Salah
but in all honesty I'm not even sure I
knew then what I ought to have been
feeling uh but given that so many people
spoke about it surely there had to be
something alhamdulillah I still
recognized it as a f uh and so I still
prayed
however uh to me this was literally just
that an obligation I did it because the
Creator had given me a
hook so this all led to me doing the
bare
minimum to avoid the Hellfire and even
that was usually rushed and with the
exception of the before the I would
practically never pray any Sunnah never
pray any and so some people suggested
that you know praying more more of these
voluntary prayers would resolve my
situation but for me praying more
honestly uh led to me just losing
concentration
altogether and please understand that I
don't mean to be arrogant uh I was still
grateful for the kindness and Bounty the
boundless Bounty that my Lord had uh
bestowed on me but I couldn't seem to
link these intellectual facts with in
Salah and I was impassioned by various
aspects of the de but the left me
cold and what worried me most about all
of this was that I was beginning to
wonder am I even
Muslim when my thoughts and my actions
and my emotions are not in line with
Islam and so seeking guidance I uh I
came across these ayat from the Quran
which I'd like to share with you
today such are the men whom Allah has
cursed for he has made made them deaf
and blinded their
sight do they not do they then not not
earnestly seek to understand the Quran
or are their hearts locked up by
them those who turn back as apostates
after guidance guidance was clearly
shown to them the evil one has
instigated them and busied them with
false hopes this because they said to
those who hate what Allah has revealed
we will obey you in part of this matter
but Allah knows their inner
Secrets but how will it be when the
Angels take their souls at death and
smite their faces and their backs this
because they followed that which called
forth the wrath of Allah and they hated
Allah's good good pleasure so he made
their deeds of no effect or do those in
whose Hearts is a disease think that
Allah will not bring to light all their
ranker had we so willed we could have sh
sh them up to you and you would have
known them by their marks but surely you
will know them by their tone of their
speech and Allah knows all that you do
and of the over 6,000 aats in the Quran
I came across these that perfectly
describe the situation that I was in I
felt as though despite knowing in my
mind that Islam was the truth perhaps I
had stepped
back and everyone born as a Muslim or as
as a non-muslim has to make the same
active decision to worship their creator
it's a decision that we each all of us
make many times in our lives and perhaps
many times in a
day for example should I pray or should
I attend the meeting at work should I
get angry at another driver or should I
be patient should I put it on my credit
card or should I avoid R should I speak
up for justice or should I keep on
walking
by and when I was feeling this struggle
most I reached out to some Muslims I
knew and received an email uh which I'd
like to share with you today
inshallah uh I resent and I'm using that
in that word in the mildest form I
resent the fact that you say the best
time for you to have died was after
taking the shahada I can understand that
there's little else that equates
emancipation from all previous sins but
would you really have wanted to meet
Allah
subhanahu without having strived for the
dean without having to fight your NS for
his sake without having to without
having propagated his perfect de quoting
from Ayah
40 the state of a disbeliever is the
darkness in a vast sea overwhelming
helmed with waves topped by waves topped
by dark clouds layers of Darkness above
darkness and if a man stretches out his
hand he can hardly see it and for he
whom Allah has not appointed a light for
him there is no light sounds harsh Allah
and the rest of the email the day you
took your shahada Allah Subhan waala
brought you out of this darkness and
appointed you a light to die there and
then is all too easy to exert oneself
for the sake of Allah every minute of
every day is the challenge that all
Muslims have been blessed
with I do understand the dilemma though
the thoughts of Jenna brings tear to my
eyes firstly because I long to be there
and secondly because of the fear that I
won't be granted entrance through its
Gates every day is a battle against the
Haram and each day holds
regrets I want for my heart to shake
with fear tears to flow and sheer
humility to come over me when I pray I'm
ashamed to say that I've only felt this
once in the whole time since I've been
praying my love for Allah defies any
words in my vocabulary and at times can
reduce me to a silence in my mind
despite this fact I don't always give my
Salah the attention it's du being The
Limited creators we are we need an
understanding of our reality in order to
make make connections to anything beyond
it it is is it possible for us to feel
an instant tranquility and peace through
reciting certain
words and carrying out certain
actions being illiterate in Arabic
immediately put some of us at a
disadvantage and it his knowledge of
this language which forms the link to
the spirituality of
Salah however I don't believe that just
understanding the semantics of the words
will fix anything there exists an
understanding that surpasses that taking
the time to truly reflect is something
that I all too often
Overlook apart from the time before
fuder when the quiet of the night is
piercing and Allah's presence can be
felt I I'm almost too busy thinking
about something else the link is
definitely missing I believe for our
actions thoughts and emotions to be in
in line with
our it takes active application of one
to the other and so that's inshallah is
what I will die trying to achieve Allah
is full of the mercy and kindness that
we speak of and therefore I put my trust
in him and Subhan Allah this email is
from eight years ago when I first
reversed and it's just as applicable
today to me and I believe to all Muslims
that without this struggle every day
without taking that active decision
ourselves at every opportunity that is
provided to us every time we're given
another day to live we Subhan Allah we
will fail and being a Muslim practicing
Islam is as the title of this uh this
event the pursuit of happiness not
happiness in itself being Muslim is not
the completion of a
goal it is the opportunity that we are
all blessed with every day to seek thean
of
Allah May our last words be our best
words our last Deeds be our best deeds
and our last actions be our best actions
and our best day be the day that we meet
Allah subhanahu Waal
[Applause]