#13
- Who Practices Polygamy?
by Mary Ali
Polygamy has been practiced by mankind for thousands
of years. Many of the ancient Israelites were polygamous,
some having hundreds of wives. King Solomon(S) is
said to have had seven hundred wives and three hundred
concubines. David(S) (Dawood) had ninety-nine and
Jacob(S) (Yaqub) had four. Advice given by some Jewish
wise men state that no man should marry more than
four wives.
No early society put any restrictions on the number
of wives or put any conditions about how they were
to be treated. Jesus was not known to have spoken
against polygamy. As recent as the 17th century, polygamy
was practiced and accepted by the Christian Church.
The Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter
Day Saints) have allowed and practiced polygamy in
the United States.
Monogamy was introduced into Christianity at the
time of Paul when many revisions took place in Christianity.
This was done in order for the church to conform to
the Greco-Roman culture where men were monogamous
but owned many slaves who were free for them to use:
in other word, unrestricted polygamy.
Early Christians invented ideas that women were "full
of sin" and man was better off to "never
marry." Since this would be the end of mankind,
these same people compromised and said "marry
only one."
Many times in the American society when relations
are strained, the husband simply deserts his wife.
Then he cohabits with a prostitute or other immoral
woman without marriage.
Actually there are three kinds of polygamy practiced
in Western societies: (1) serial polygamy, that is,
marriage, divorce, marriage, divorce and so on any
number of times; (2) a man married to one woman but
having and supporting one or more mistresses; (3)
an unmarried man having a number of mistresses. Islam
condones but discourages the first and forbids the
other two.
Wars cause the number of women to greatly exceed
the number of men. In a monogamous society these women,
left without husbands or support, resort to prostitution,
illicit relationships with married men resulting in
illegitimate children with no responsibility on the
part of the father, or lonely spinsterhood or widowhood.
Some Western men take the position that monogamy
protects the rights of women. But are these men really
concerned about the rights of women? The society has
many practices that exploit and suppress women, leading
to women’s liberation movements from the suffragettes
of the early twentieth century to the feminists of
today.
The truth of the matter is that monogamy protects
men, allowing them to "play around" without
responsibility. Easy birth control and easy legal
abortion has opened the door of illicit sex to women
and she has been lured into the so-called sexual revolution.
But she is still the one who suffers the trauma of
abortion and the side effects of birth control methods.
Taking aside the plagues of venereal disease, herpes
and AIDS, the male continues to enjoy himself free
of worry. Men are the ones protected by monogamy while
women continue to be victims of men’s desires.
Polygamy is very much opposed by the male dominated
society because it would force men to face up to responsibility
and fidelity. It would force them to take responsibility
for their polygamous inclinations and would protect
and provide for women and children.
Among all the polygamous societies in history there
were none that limited the number of wives. All of
the relationships were unrestricted. In Islam, the
regulations concerning polygamy limit the number of
wives a man can have while making him responsible
for all of the women involved.
"If you fear that you will not deal fairly
by the orphans, marry of the women, who seem good
to you, two or three or four; but if you fear that
you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then
only one or one that your right hands possess. That
will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice."
(Qur’an 4:3)
This verse from the Qur’an allows a man to
marry more than one woman but only if he can deal
justly with them. Another verse says that a person
is unable to deal justly between wives, thus giving
permission but discouraging it.
"You will never be able to deal justly between
wives however much you desire (to do so). But (if
you have more than one wife) do not turn altogether
away (from one), leaving her as in suspense…"
(Qur’an 4:129)
While the provision for polygamy makes the social
system flexible enough to deal with all kinds of conditions,
it is not necessarily recommended or preferred by
Islam. Taking the example of the Prophet Muhammad(S)
is instructive. He was married to one woman, Khadijah,
for twenty-five years. It was only after her death
when he had reached the age of fifty that he entered
into other marriages to promote friendships, create
alliances or to be an example of some lesson to the
community; also to show the Muslims how to treat their
spouses under different conditions of life.
The Prophet(S) was given inspiration from Allah about
how to deal with multiple marriages and the difficulties
encountered therein. It is not an easy matter for
a man to handle two wives, two families, and two households
and still be just between the two. No man of reasonable
intelligence would enter into this situation without
a great deal of thought and very compelling reasons
(other than sexual).
Some people have said that the first wife must agree
to the second marriage. Others have said that the
couple can put it into the marriage contract that
the man will not marry a second wife. First of all,
neither the Qur’an not Hadith state that the
first wife need be consulted at all concerning a second
marriage let alone gain her approval. Consideration
and compassion on the part of the man for his first
wife should prompt him to discuss the matter with
her but he is not required to do so or to gain her
approval. Secondly, the Qur’an has explicitly
given permission for a man to marry "two or three
or four". No one has the authority to make a
contract forbidding something that has been granted
by Allah.
The bottom line in the marriage relationship is good
morality and happiness, creating a just and cohesive
society where the needs of men and women are well
taken care of. The present Western society, which
permits free sex between consenting adults, has given
rise to an abundance of irresponsible sexual relationships,
an abundance of "fatherless" children, many
unmarried teenage mothers; all becoming a burden on
the country’s welfare system. In part, such
an undesirable welfare burden has given rise to bloated
budget deficits which even an economically powerful
country like the United States cannot accommodate.
Bloated budget deficits have become a political football
which is affecting the political system of the United
States.
In short, we find that artificially created monogamy
has become a factor in ruining the family structure,
and the social, economic and political systems of
the country.
It must be a prophet, and indeed, it was Prophet
Muhammad(S) who directed Muslims to get married or
observe patience until one gets married. ‘Abdullah
b. Mas’ud reported Allah’s Messenger(S)
as saying,
"Young man, those of you who can support a
wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at
strange women and preserves you from immorality; but
those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting,
for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire."
(Bukhari and Muslim)
Islam wants people to be married and to develop a
good family structure. Also, Islam realized the requirements
of the society and the individual in special circumstances
where polygamy can be the solution to problems. Therefore,
Islam has allowed polygamy, limiting the number of
wives to four, but does not require or even recommend
polygamy.
In the Muslim societies of our times, polygamy is
not frequently practiced despite legal permission
in many countries. It appears that the American male
is very polygamous, getting away with not taking responsibility
for the families he should be responsible for.
(In this article, polygamy has been used to mean
polygyny meaning having two or more wives. Islam forbids
polyandry, meaning having two or more husbands.) |